My new book got rejected by two publishers. Truth be told those were the first rejections in my twelve-year career as a writer. The reason is simple. I’ve never sent my books to big publishers, with exception of my first book. I printed it (they don’t like that) and sent it to publishers but there were no replies. Maybe it was supposed to be like that as I’ve started my own publishing house in February 2010. It’s still alive today. Barely breathing but alive.
Rejections. We’ve all experienced them. Yes, they hurt. Sometimes they even push you to the edge. But you need to pull your shit together and get back on track. Don’t change because somebody told you to. Be you. In writing or anywhere else. Learn, grow, and improve, but don’t change.
I have to admit rejections get to me. My mind wanders and I quickly convince myself I’m not good enough. Luckily we have social media these days where we can get an instant boost in the form of hearts and likes. It’s a shitty way but it works.
Two scenarios
Luckily I have a day job. If I would depend solely on my writing, I see two possible scenarios (actually I see about two hundred but two are prevailing). In the first one, I’m devoting most of my time to writing. I’m a successful author, I bought that beach house I always desired. I’ve sold millions of books. And the best part, my family is still with me. In the second scenario, I’m devoting most of my time to writing. As I’m not selling enough books and I don’t want a proper job, I’m on social support. I’m living in a basement apartment, I see daylight twice a week. I’m alone and drunk most of the time. I’m not happy but that fuels my ideas so I’m OK with it.
I’m not a big gambler. Especially not if I gamble with my life. That’s why I’m still a part-time writer, and I’m not the only one. If the odds would be 90-10 in favor of the first scenario, I’d probably take it. If they’d be 80-20 I’d seriously think about it. Anything else, I’m sticking with how things are. I may not live in a beach house. I may never sell a hundred thousand books. Or write from sunrise till late at night. But we get by all right.
Priorities
Priorities change. That doesn’t mean you’ve changed. My girlfriend and I have a small child. It’s absolutely normal that his well-being is our top priority. I want my family to be safe and happy. If that means giving up my dreams of being a successful writer, so be it. I’ll try to be a good father and a solid author, but if shit hits the fan, there is no doubt in my mind who to choose.
Rejections. Being rejected by others is one thing, but to reject yourself is in a league of its own. Maybe I should send more books to publishers. Toughen my skin. That way I’ll be ready to look myself in the mirror and say, “you’re done, man. Welcome back to the real world. Enjoy your stay.”